Life is returning to normal..slowly. But what a month it has been. Since the time my parents arrived on the 30th of August until they left on the 25th of September. It has been an overwhelming time, emotionally and physically and also one of the best times in my life.
The civil wedding at SF city hall was emotional and intimate. I was so focussed on not crying that I almost forgot to say "I do". It definitely caught Anirvan off guard.
I did much better on the 11th. Though as Christine says, "I was crying waterfalls the whole time."
The 11th was just an amazing time. I am amazed at the friends we have. Friends that we may or may not deserve. But what incredible people. Except for a small fork shortage emergency, I wasn't aware of anything else that went wrong. To me, the day was perfect. Except for the fact that my dear brother couldn't make it to the wedding. There were too many emotional moments to list, but the time when our friends participated and vowed to share there joys, sorrow and responsibilities was definitely a significant emotional moment.
The next day, the 12th was the bengali community celebration that Anirvan's parents organized at the Newark Hilton. There were people there who had known Anirvan since he was nine! Then we got married again. Anirvan's dad conducted the ceremony- words and songs symbolic of what marriage means.
The next day we were driven to Berkeley by Krisztina, Bryant and Miles. My parents had decorated the house and I entered our home for the first time as a newly wed (all 3 ceremonies complete!) by stepping on alta and rice. All this was unexpected and therefore even more beautiful..
This time will not return. The experiences are embedded in our hearts. The pictures of the day a way to recapture the moments.
September 2004 Archives
Anirvan and I are really excited about sharing this day with our friends and family. We wouldn't really feel married if our friends weren't there to witness it. We hope that you will enjoy the evening that we have put together with the help of our friends and family. Planning our ceremony has involved many decisions; we hope this wedding FAQ sheds light on some of choices we made, and why.
One question you won't find is "why did A & B decide to get married?" For that you will have to come to the wedding!
Below is the official FAQ...by me with edits by Anirvan
What is the ceremony like?
Ironically both of us are from the same community but luckily, Anirvan and I are both agnostics -- him leaning towards atheism, me leaning the other way. We decided to create a ceremony that evoked Bengali culture, acknowledged the beauty of personal vows, and didn't require god to be present. The garland exchange and the sindoor (vermillion) daan are both traditions that hold emotional significance for us.
Why did we have a civil marriage in San Francisco beforehand?
We see marriage as a complex set of government-sanctioned rights and responsibilities, and commitment as being something uniting two people. We were delighted to be able to get married in a city that allows all people to get married, regardless of sexual orientation. We also wanted to exchange our vows of commitment in the presence of friends and family. It was important to us that we could do both.
Why the Sailboat House?
We wanted an urban setting that was pretty. A place that we could walk by and say "hey, that's where we got married." We wanted a place that would let us cater our own food. At too many catered places all we could afford on our budget was pasta salad! We wanted a place that could fit at least 120 of our closest friends. We wanted a place where the rental fees went to a reasonably good cause, rather than to the typical Wedding Industrial Complex love profiteers. (We figured the City of Oakland's general fund was worthy of our support.) Many thanks to Vikrant and Ian for helping us find Lake Merritt SailBoat House. The first time we saw it we knew that this was it.
Where is the food from?
Cafe Tibet...yum! Not only is the food really tasty but it is also the place that we had our first meal together (and no it wasn't a date, just dinner-with-a-friend). It is also completely vegetarian. Neither of us are hard core vegetarians but we liked the idea of having no animals sacrificed on our wedding day. Sorry Atkiners.
Who is Tensegrity Nine?
Anirvan and I have different tastes in music. Well, he is more into music than I am and therefore has arguably better taste. But we both really really liked T9 when we saw them. They're eclectic, and hard to describe. We think you'll like them as much as we did.
Why are the forks so small?
We would like to apologize in advance for our kid-sized forks, knives and spoons, but they were the only ones we could find that were not plastic. They look just like plastic but get this -- they're made from corn and potato starch. The utensils and glasses are biodegradable, agriculturally based, less toxic, animal friendly and reuseable. Plates are made from post-industrial waste from poly-coated milk carton production (defective cartons that never had milk in them).
What are those plates made of leaves?
The plates made of leaves were brought all the way from India by my parents (the poor things). I always liked the way they looked. In India, food was once traditionally served directly on plates made of leaves, either from the sal tree (Shorea robusta), a large evergreen, or from banana trees. The subtle tastes from the leaves are released when one's fingers rub against it, merging with the flavor of the food, and enhancing the culinary experience. In our ceremony, we're using the sal leaf plates more for aesthetic reasons than for culinary purposes.
